What Do I Stand For

As I may or may not have mentioned, a few weeks ago I traveled to Cincinnati for a wedding.  D didn't come with me because it was the day before his very important qualifying exam, and I don't drive because I don't have a car (I'm weird, I know) so I had to get creative when it came to modes of transport to and from Cincinnati.  Fun fact:  Megabus doesn't have a Pittsburgh to Cincinnati route.  I looked into flying (hideously expensive), renting a car (also uber expensive, plus where would I park it?), taking Amtrak (no dice), doing a carshare like zipcar (also surprisingly expensive) and finally came to terms with the fact that the only way for me to get there cheaply and (as it turns out, kind of) efficiently was to take the Greyhound bus.

At first I was a little worried.  I'd never taken Greyhound before (alternative modes of transport aren't really a thing in big, sprawling Texas) and I had no idea how bad it would be.  I did an informal poll on Facebook and asked my dad what he thought and everyone assured me that I would be fine.  I decided it would be good to have a new experience, maybe even a fun adventure!

In case you are also in the market for a fun adventure, don't choose Greyhound.  When someone at the wedding asked me what it was like, I told them "an interesting slice of humanity" because that's the nicest way I could think of to put it.  She laughed and told me that was a very UChicago answer.  The three main things I took away from the experience were:

1.  Greyhound is very disorganized and confusing.
2.  Everyone is pissed off and loud about the fact that they're pissed off.
3.  The buses I took are old and grimy. Very grimy.

I bought my ticket over a month in advance, and it had an order number on it, so I assumed that we would board by order number, with priority given to people who had lower numbers.  Like a boarding pass!  Well, this was the case at two of the four greyhound stations I went through, but at the other two you just had to line up (or park your stuff on the incredibly dirty floor) at least an hour in advance to get a good seat.  So that was fun.  Also, none of the departure doors were very well marked, and it was hard to tell which line was for which departure city.  If you asked someone in line, there was only a 50/50 chance that they knew which line they were standing in.  None of the personnel I talked to were very helpful.  The whole thing was confusing and chaotic.  Pair that with the fact that I had very early departure times and it was kind of a stressful ordeal just to get on the bus.

Probably partly because of the confusing mess that is getting on your bus, everyone seemed to be pissed off about something or other.  Everyone.  They were all yelling and complaining about something, either to themselves, the person near them in line, or the Greyhound personnel.  A young man actually got thrown off one of the buses I was on because he wouldn’t stop yelling at the driver.  Another woman straight up yelled at a guy who had spilled a soda on the ground and wouldn’t clean it up (I agreed with her on this one but I wasn’t about to start in on the yelling).  A third woman was IRATE when she learned that they charged you more for extra bags.  She also was escorted off our bus but later was allowed to board again.  Pretty much everyone was grumpy and rude in some way or another.

When I saw the words “free wi-fi on board!” on the door of one of the buses, I had high hopes for this ride. These buses were new and fancy, like Megabus!  I could use the free wifi to get online instead of peering at a tiny phone screen!  Well, some of the buses are new and clean and have free wifi.  I was not on those buses.  The buses I rode on were old.  Like, color schemes from the 80s, everything caked with grime, stained seats and dirty windows, wheezy and rattle-y.  Old.  I don’t know how they decide which buses travel which routes, but if you’re taking the Pittsburgh--Cleveland--Cincinnati route, arrive in your hazmat suit.  

Honestly though, it wasn’t terrible.  I don’t ever want to be one of those people who doesn’t go outside my little bubble or interact with folks who aren’t just like me, and this was definitely a step outside my comfort zone.  Plus now it makes Megabus look like first class!  I know there are nice Greyhound buses and that they’re probably working to upgrade their entire fleet.  I never felt unsafe and once we were on the road, it was just a matter of sitting back, spacing out, and letting someone else get me from point A to point B.  It took about as long as flying would have (including getting through security, boarding, etc) and was about ¼ the cost, and that pretty much can’t be beat.